A Chronicle of My days
With Beaureguard

Ruth Jameson  2014 ©

Chapter I

Coming Home

To Omega House we came in the Fall of 2004, to the Wild North Coast of California. This place in the far reaches of the northern part of my native state was never in the plan for the last place I would live my golden years, but well, here we are. Who knows why things turn out the way they do, there are many reasons,  some good, some questionable, but in the end the plan is sometimes changed for the better.

This place of rural beauty, the giant sequoias, the pounding surf line that makes Southern California look like a swimming pool, the realness of the small town life serves to remind me of my roots as a girl. Growing up in a family that wandered from place to place because that’s what a ministers life is, my early recollections are of towns where everyone knew everyone else.

My life’s dance has been one of artistic quest. The play of the clay, the wonder of color, the feel of control in the game of creation. Happiness is an armature, a new canvas, the wonder of the what if…

With a modicum of success in my sculpture and painting, I, now in my seventieth decade seem to have slowed my personal dreams. The accomplishments are what they are, and never will the energy that drove me in the turbulent days of competition and exhibitions come with the terrible urgency of obsession.

Or so I thought…

Last summer, I lost my joy. He came in the shape of a white German Shepherd. Kronos was his name, and he gave our Omega house boundless energy, and total love. Kronos  weighed in at 145 pounds, and for our family he was a prince. Towards others however he had no love or friendliness. After three unfortunate incidents we had to put him down. Two many children in the neighborhood were at risk in how they were allowed to come into contact with our property. The loss was profound and immediate. The floors no longer vibrated with his Shepherd Dances, and his beautiful eyes haunted me in every room.

What followed was horrible beyond words. The depression was once again in control of every thought and action. This was based upon the terrible guilt I felt in the failure as a caretaker for my loyal friend. Physical illness came, and became part of my daily life. The paradigm constructed of depression and pain made up my now world, and the dance of art, and life golden seemed very remote.

Omega House…this is where we are. My husband of 49 years, and a very old female German Shepherd female named Karla.  Omega House… what seemed like a new beginning now seemed very much like a sentence that was handed out because of past failings, and unfulfilled dreams. How does the Dance begin anew, and how does one begin to feel like the Dance should even be finished?

It began with the newspaper, and the pet want ads. How could I even be able to take care of a little new one, or have the right to think about bringing into this old life the high energy, love, and dances that a puppy would bring.

And yet the longing of the new energy that would be generated by such a being is something to consider. Day after day, I would scan the paper dreaming…but how could I manage another Shepherd. A dog so large was now beyond my ability to control, and the potential danger of such a size was very scary. So I looked and dreamed. We have always been a family with Shepherds, and the thought of another kind of fur person just did not compute.

Thus began my voyage of the Beagle. Charles Darwin on his journey had a theory to prove, and his now famous journey has been a metaphor for me that evolution of self is as wondrous as the evolution of our world. Journeys start with a dream, an idea, and the wonder of the quest. What would my new dream be? Would the world of art be a part of my self again after so long a hiatus?  

This is a very human thing, the dream, the dance of life, the reaching out for continuity of the process. Something new, something never before experienced, a new Purpose for healing.